Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
