life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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