12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
