Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Small penises have feelings too.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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