just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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