You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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