Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
