you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
