:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
