she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
