He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
