Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
