I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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