I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I look better un-naked...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
