Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
