i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
