oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
