Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
