he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
