Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
