I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
