I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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