While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
someone owes me an orgasm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
