I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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