Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
