i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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