Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
