I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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