I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
