first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
