So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
