is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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