Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
