I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
