For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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