If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
