She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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