What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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