I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
