I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
