i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
