Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
