You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
