before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
