What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
