very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
