Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize