I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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