She's JV to your varsity
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
