I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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