Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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