I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
