we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
