A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
