We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
