I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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