he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
