we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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