i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just high enough for therapy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
