I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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