I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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