I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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