i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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