Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
