You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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