He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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