It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
