Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
