You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
